Shuffle
by januaryfreeze92
Summary: 10 small fics/drabbles based on songs when my iPod was set to shuffle. Unedited! All Sukov - Hikaru Sulu x Pavel Chekov.


**Hey guys, trying a really cool writing exercise that Handful of Silence made a fic of...**

**The rules: **

_1. Put on your music program on shuffle/random and start playing songs._

_2. For each song, write something inspired by the song. You only have the song length. No pre-planning and no writing after the song is over. No skipping songs either._

_3. Do 10 songs and post. Make sure to include the song name/artist_

**I apologize ahead of time for the lack of editing! Like the rules said, we are only allotted the amount of time in the song. :D**

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_**Holiday in Spain, The Counting Crows**_

Sulu just wasn't sure how he could handle it anymore. He tried and tried and tried again, but nothing seemed to work. Pavel would never want him the way Sulu wanted did.

So maybe Star Fleet wasn't the right fit for him. How could he possibly sit next to Pavel every day at the conn, pretending there was... nothing?

No. If Pavel ever found out... He couldn't do that to him, and he couldn't live with it if he did. So he would go. No matter how much he loved his job, his position, the ship, the crew... He loved Pavel more.

And that's why it would be worth it in the end.

So he would pack his bag, lose himself in a bottle of booze, maybe a few girls. Anything to forget that face, that voice...

But how could he? How could he leave his wings behind him, the only thing he had been able to lose himself in since his father died? There were other ships, other navigators, but he had to face it...

He couldn't live without Pavel.

So being the selfish person he is, he decided to continue his daily life. Show up at the conn, do his job, laugh at Kirk, tend to his flowers, and try not to think of what could have happened between them.

_**Coffee and Cigarrettes, Michelle Featherson**_

He knew it was killing him.

Gaila had mentioned it to him a billion times, but he didn't have the heart to just quit on him. Sulu wouldn't never quit on _him_.

Day in and day out, Pavel showed up at his bedside, content in just being there for him. But, although he refused to show it, he was breaking on the inside. He worked obscene hours, and in his off time only sat in the same chair by Sulu's bed.

Pavel had originally assumed that the sadness would just leave him if he kept his mind busy, but he only managed to work himself to such a point that the Captain ordered him to rest, which only allowed mindless sitting and waiting for Sulu's brown eyes to open again.

They all kept telling him it was impossible, that they would never open again, but it didn't matter. His papa taught him to always hold on to what he wanted.

Even when he had to give up everything else that meant something to him to be the dutiful _friend, best friend, lover_.

Even though he _knew _the it was futile, that he had to quit eventually, _quit Hikaru Sulu._

But what the other's didn't realize was that, even if he did quit, he would never be the same.

_**Angels On The Moon, Thriving Ivory**_

Once upon a time, I dreamed that I would be famous for traveling the galaxy on a star ship. That I would lead us into the dark corners of space, discovering God-knows-what.

But now my galaxy spins around one person. Like our solar system around our sun, Pavel Chekov was my sun. I orbit him as the moon does the earth, plan my life around him, neglect whatever I may need just to see him smile.

I just cannot fathom my sun burning out. Like the earth would if the sun burnt out, I would turn to immoveable ice. Cold, frozen, ice.

I soon go from orbiting Pavel to orbiting the sick bay. Working it into my schedule in God knows what ways, although I suspect Kirk had something to do with it.

I can still see his eyes dimly glowing, fading a little bit more everyday.

But he had always said that I would be the strong one, so maybe it's better that he was the one to go, and I the one to suffer his loss. But I still sometimes selfishly wish that it was me slowly dying on that bed.

_**Out Tonight, RENT**_

I suddenly started itching at the prospect of hitting the town of this small but modern planet. But fingers fumbled over the buttons of my shirt, the first non-regulation one I've worn in over a year. I turned to grin at the man at the other room and he noted my excitement with a grin in response.

"Excited, aren't you?"

"Wery," I said, shivering with it. Firm, steady land would soon be beneath our feet.

"Aren't you?" I asked Sulu and he nodded enthusiastically and I chuckled, feeling very childish, but happy.

I sat down, almost bouncing in my seat while waiting for him.

"Oh, come on, are you ready yet?!"

"Be patient, will you?" he said with a chuckle, picking up his coat. "How do I look?"

"Wery dashing," I told him honestly, and he looped his arm around my shoulders with a laugh.

The doors opened before us and we made our way to the transporter room.

"Ready to drink Scotty under the table?" he asked me with a rueful grin, and I chuckled.

"Most definitely."

_**Bad Girlfriend, Theory of a Deadman**_

So he's not exactly the ideal boyfriend.

He's a dickmagnet, drinks way much more than any guy his age should, or even a guy older than him. He's a boy genius, completely gorgeous...

But even though he's not always the best boyfriend, he's coming home with me. And that's the best part.

And he does redeem himself. I mean, he's adorable, has a really cute accent, and I love the way he just seems to fit against my chest.

Just because I say he's not the ideal boyfriend, doesn't mean he's not perfect. So I try not to complain... Too much.

_**Headspin, The Burnham Brothers (You can find them on youtube... They were recently signed by LA Reid, a wonderful group.)**_

Class was finally over. After an hour-long lecture with the taunting idea of having Pavel across a dinner table from me, I was finally able to make it happen.

I picked up my bookbag, swinging it over my shoulder before many other students were up, and launched myself out of the room at what seemed like warpspeed.

_Where are you?_

I typed while walking through the now crowded hall, as they were after every class. Almost as chaotic as my head seemed to be everytime he crossed my mind. But it was an okay kind of chaos, a good kind of adrenaline that always seemed to go straight to my head.

My PADD beeped and I looked down at it.

_Waiting for you._

Not for long.

_**Over My Head (Cable Car), The Fray**_

He knew he was in for it now.

Sulu allowed himself to fall onto his cot, hands behind his head, his mind now buzzing with the effects of a bit of alcohol and a lot of Pavel.

_Pavel Chekov._ _Pavel. Chekov. Chekov. Pavel._

A grin came to his face as he rolled onto his side, unable to get the name, the face, out of his mind. But he didn't particularly mind it. The events of that evening were replaying again and again in his head. His face grew rosey - again, the effect of both the alcohol and the events of that night - and Sulu couldn't help but feel like he understood how the Grinch felt when his heart grew however many sizes.

Yeah, he was in over his head, but he found that he didn't particularly care.

_**Bullet Proof, The Goo Goo Dolls**_

It was the oddest feeling, wanting to protect someone to the point of going out of your way.

He wasn't sure if Pavel even realized it yet, but after that mission, after what those _monsters_ did to him... Sulu wasn't sure if he could let him out of his sight ever again. He wanted to wrap him up in bubble wrap, bullet proof his soul, lock torpedoes on any motherfuckers that might try to come near him, might try to hurt him.

It all stemmed from something deep in his heart, he knew, even if he was too naive, young, stupid to admit it.

So Sulu dared them to step up, come their way, try it - because he'd protect him. No matter what it took.

_**Speak To Me/Breathe, Pink Floyd**_

Sometimes Chekov just felt he was going crazy inside, yelling for someone to understand him, to hear him. Of course he knew that if he just sat back and took a breath he'd probably be fine, but it was hard to remember that. He never realized how homesick he would get in space, how alone he would feel, even with hundreds of people on the ship.

So he would run, imagine the sun beating on his head. He would proficiently do his work, trusting his mind to take care of it when his heart wasn't there.

And maybe someday soon he could find somewhere to invest his heart for the next five years.

_**Rescue Me, Hawthorne Heights**_

Sulu lost himself in his fencing, allowing his mind to go blank as he simply became an instrument of a higher being, feeling his limbs moving fluidly but not truly aware of each action. People always assumed that he fenced so he could do the rescuing, so he could be the hero. And perhaps that was true, but there was always a small part of him, for some reason or another, who wanted to be the rescued.

He wanted someone there to save _him_ every once in a while, someone to catch him when he fell...

His mind flashed back to that fateful day - to the feeling of freefall, of wind rushing past his limbs, through his hair, the pounding of his heart the only sound in his ears.

And although he certainly had no reason behind these thoughts, and he may be creepy for wanting it to be so, but he longed for the curly-haired boy to be his hero.


End file.
